Divorce is one of the most challenging experiences a couple can have in life. Though many of the difficulties associated with divorce cannot be avoided, some can. In particular, maintaining civility between the parties can significantly ease the transition for everyone, including children.
What does a civil divorce look like?
A civil divorce is one in which the parties cooperate and respect each other. It is an approach to ending a marriage that prioritizes the people involved, often minimizing conflict and animosity.
The importance of communication
For a couple to have a civil divorce, they must have open and respectful communication. Approaching conversations with a mindset of collaboration rather than confrontation can go a long way.
Speaking to each other in a way that avoids placing blame can reduce defensiveness and foster constructive dialogue, leading to better outcomes and modeling positive interactions for children and other family members.
Focusing on the bigger picture
Many couples get lost in the divorce details, whether who gets the marital property, how much child support they will be responsible for or how to divide a spouse’s pension. While all of these details are important and should be addressed, individuals have a choice in how they address these matters.
Focusing on the entire family’s well-being and the long-term security of everyone, for example, is a forward-looking and compassionate way to handle these issues. Remembering that everyone has to make a living and that everyone deserves to feel safe is a good start.
Setting boundaries and limits
Often, people feel emotionally overwhelmed during divorce and do not know how to establish boundaries in a way that allows them the space they need while communicating with the other party constructively.
You can have both. Thinking about your personal needs, writing them down, thinking about how you will express them, and choosing language that is respectful and productive rather than aggressive and destructive can help establish the necessary boundaries you need to feel better.
Practicing self-care
Divorcing couples usually put themselves last during the divorce because they are trying their best to make it through this tough time, especially couples with children who must tend to their child’s needs and ensure they receive the care they need.
However, to have something to give, you must first have it yourself. This means that you must be healthy enough to give of yourself before you can adequately care for others.
Choosing to see yourself as an essential element and a person who needs love and care will help you see things differently.
While divorce may be difficult for everyone, the difficulty levels vary from couple to couple and case to case. By choosing to remain civil, you can have an enormous impact on the process and the outcome of the divorce.
In addition, you can set an example by communicating with respect, showing that you prioritize the people involved over the problems that must be resolved.